Hats … gloves… and walking down the hall

I am treated to a daily highlight first thing every morning. At 9 o’clock, I walk the kindergarten students back to their classrooms. Now – I say walk, but that does no justice to the actual adventure.

In order to fully explain things we must retreat to about 20 minutes earlier, this is when the first students arrive at the gym fresh from their trip to school.

Regardless of temperature many dress as if they are arctic explorers, they wonder zombie like down the hall, many feeling their way down the corridors, with mostly immobile arms held somewhat flexed by their many layers.

How they make it, I’ll never guess, their stocking hats, jammed under hoods, have migrated forward leaving them with a wooly view that includes not much more then their own feet. They can’t fix it because their hands are in mittens, or if they are wearing gloves, there hands are just stuffed into the palm of the glove because the fingers wouldn’t line up, either way, their fingers are useless. Like butterflies without grace, they attempt to break out of this cocoon when they make it to the gym.

I untie scarves, I yank off gloves that contain no fingers, and I fight with zippers. I pull, I push, I tug, I try to be gentle and I use brute force, at last freedom, the zipper is down.

I save kids from their coats everyday.

Once the zippers are taken care of, I start in on the buttons. Buttons are like a rubrics cube to 5 year olds, most don’t even try, they just stand there looking at me and then at the button, or if they are feeling bold, they pull straight out, or up, or try to spin it in a circle. I love buttons!

My favorite part of this struggle centers on the hats. Students can take off their own hats, which suits me just fine. Also, they come in all sorts of designs. Cute animal hats, crazy Mohawk hats, colorful hats, hats with super long strings designed specifically for getting stuck in zippers, some even are like a combination of a hat and scarf, with a pocket or mitten for their hands, its all quite diverse and creative. But the absolute best part about kid’s hats is static electricity. I’ve seen it mat hair down, spray hair out, and raise hair vertically like strings for a puppet. I swear one particularly electrified student welded his own zipper shut, it’s the only explanation, that zipper was fused together, after much pulling and tugging I gave up.

The student then said, “don’t worry Mr. Sollenberger, I can just take it off like this,” as he pulled it over his head, “that’s how I always do it.”

At this point you are probably wondering when I will get to the part of the story that is a highlight, but in truth the highlights have already started. I rescue kids from their coats, I’m a hero. You should see them admire their sweaty little hands, after I pull off a glove, they wave their fingers about amazed by the return of dexterity. I’m a hero! I free them from the shackles of buttons and the noose of scarves, once the layers are removed, they move like puppies who just discovered their paws, pure joy! I’m a hero.

Usually, just after I undo the last button, its time to clean up and get to class. This is particularly distressing for the student who has just managed to make it to the gym, staying suited, she now dutifully falls into line as sweat pours down her brow, ready to trudge right back down the hall she just traversed.

Now at this time, I am responsible for roughly 40 students, which means we have some combination of 40 coats, hats, gloves, scarves, mittens, ear muffs and back packs. This represents 280 or so pieces of clothing. Several pieces will inevitably be claimed by the same person, leaving other items left idly on the floor apparently brought by a ghost.

Now maybe, the kids are wiser then they appear and are using this opportunity to dispose of unwanted winter gear, or maybe they think if they leave the scarf behind they will never be tied up in it again. Whatever the case, I make announcements, hold these items up, and wave them around usually with no takers. Occasionally, just when I’m about resigned to adding another item to the lost and found, a student, usually close by, chimes up,

“Mr. Sollenberger when you’re done waving around my gloves can I have them back?” I live this everyday!

Now, we need to get this 40 person train moving down the hall, and since I’d like the kids to spend some time in class before they go home, we refrain from putting coats, hats, gloves, and scarves back on.

Early in winter, I teach them that they wear their backpacks; hats, gloves, and scarves can go in the backpack or in the coat sleeve. Coats are to be carried.

Simple easy and effective, but they think I’m crazy so few take my advice. Instead some try to put everything back on, which only leads to more stuck zippers, and mismatched buttons. I’ve seen coats put on backwards and upside down. Scarves trail behind on the floor tripping two sometimes even three students at a time. Gloves litter the floor and hall like breadcrumbs. Some students think that their backpacks are for crumpling papers and carrying their coat. They stuff and stuff, it looks like they’ve taken a hostage ,the backpacks are so full. Usually a coat sleeve, stuck in a zipper of course, hangs out the side.

Once all is finally organized and safely stowed away, we set out down the hall, attempting to stay on the right side. Our trains are like a simulation of bumper to bumper traffic on the highway.

Student number 6 in line stops to stare into space, student number 7 is watching his own shoelaces flop and walks right into student number 6, meanwhile student number 8 is walking extremely close to 7, attracted to the static light show going on in student number 7’s hair. We now have a 3 person pile up. Meanwhile, my leader is sprinting away causing gaps to form in our train.

Student number 2 (aka the ‘door holder’) is the conscientious rule follower and is looking back at me like, ‘should I follow at this speed? I know it’s too fast, should I slow down and organize the train’?

By this time, I can no longer see the front and back of the train but this is the least of my concern. You see the hall is littered with breakfast trays; students eat school breakfast in their rooms and place the trays in the hall when they are done, containing half consumed milk cartoons, cereal bowls, and breakfast sandwiches. I give common sense advice, like don’t step on the breakfast trays, but like I said earlier, they think I’m crazy, so next thing you know, student number 28 walks into the milk. It’s shrugged off, like this is normal, which it is, so onward the train goes. Soon they are into their classrooms and off on their next adventure, as for me, I head back to the gym, knowing my day can’t get any harder than that, thus I’m in high spirits, and no gloves littler the hall, we are making progress after all!