Secret teacher skills, bladder of steel
Over the weekend I was camping with my husband, brother, dad, and one other guy. It was noted several times that I must have a bladder of steel, as they were getting up in the middle of the night, and practically leaping out of the canoe at lunch to head to the bathroom.
My teaching schedule doesn’t allow much time for bathroom breaks, which perhaps created the bladder of steel.
Get to work
sit down, write lesson plans, and create corresponding handouts
send handouts to copy machine
walk to copy machine ( see the sign that says it’s broken for the 10th time this week)
walk back to room
decide to print one copy of each handout from printer
walk with handouts to upstairs copy room
see a giant line
walk to copy room at the other end of the school
realize that your key won’t open the door ( because you’re an art teacher and have a special key, well special might not be the right word, because it only opens 2 doors)
look at the clock, realize that you only have 5 minutes and you still need to go to the bathroom
Go into the office, tell them you’re using their copy machine ( that you’re not supposed to use, but at this point you don’t care)
hear the bell ring
realize that you can’t go to the bathroom ( wish that you put a diaper on this morning, or at least not had 3 cups of coffee)
Greet your students at the door, and make them feel like you’re day is going great and you’re super excited to see them and that you don’t feel like you’re going to pee your pants
start to teach
one student walks in late and hands you a pass
start to teach again
the phone rings, the office needs one of your students
continue teaching
an announcement comes on that we’ll be going into lock down ( the drug dogs have arrived)
say a few swear words in your mind, while smiling patiently at your students
try to remember what you were talking about
start to teach again
student raises hand, and asked if you could please repeat everything that you just said
Bell rings
switch classes ( think that you might get to stop at the bathroom)
Student spills all contents of their binder on the floor
realize that the bathroom isn’t going to happen, as you have to wait for said student to reorganize all contents of their binder
you realize that you’re going to be late to your next class ( decide you don’t care, this is life)
teach for 45 min, bell rings ( it’s a special schedule, so you’ll teach this class for 45 min, switch rooms, teach a different class for 90 min.. bell rings, switch rooms again, then teach the first class for another 45 min)
Think about how much exercise you’re getting switching classes 10 times today
question how anyone is to learn anything with this many bells ringing and trips up and down the hallway
remember that you have bus duty
go and stand outside, and act as though you’re a human traffic cone, as you realize that you literally replaced what used to be done by a giant orange cone
See a car ,driven by a teenager, heading your direction, move out the way, because you don’t trust their driving skills
reflect that a traffic cone would actually do a better job than you, as it wouldn’t move out of the way
Walk faster than usual as you head inside
Make a b-line for the bathroom
Realize that the janitor is already cleaning
Consider peeing your pants right then and there
Decide that you can hold it until you get home
Walk into your room to gather your things, and hear your phone ringing…. pretend you don’t hear it, and run out of the building before they can call your name over the loud speaker.
Arrive home, sprint upstairs, pat yourself on the back for not going to the bathroom, or drinking any liquids for the last 7 hours